I have never managed to stay happy. And I mean happy as in truly happy. I would always crash. But I always had someone or something to turn to. Now I don't. I've lost a best friend. and the support of my family.
I used to have my school community. I have now graduated. There is no guidance counselor to talk to. There are no more academic projects for me to thrive on. That's right. When I'm sad, I turn to schoolwork. But now it's all over. I have nothing but phone calls for "help" to people I don't even know. I have so much inside of me, but I'm scared no one will ever listen. Because the truth is, they won't. No one can truly understand, but yourself. The feeling of sadness and desperation is so horrible.
I hate it when people say they'll be there for you or that they really understand. They don't. I hate it even more when people tell me not to think or write "bad" thoughts. I'll do whatever I want to, asshole. As I'm being trapped in a vortex of sadness, you're telling me to think happier thoughts? Fuck. You.
I feel so lonely, isolated, and so... distant from everyone else. I have absolutely no one to talk to, my parents don't care about me as I didn't get into a "specialized" high school, and everything's wrong. I say fuck these specialized high schools. They are the things that raise people's expectations just to disappoint them. They create a template for what people should achieve. What does "specialized" mean anyway? You wanna know what it means? It's a fucking label, for crying out loud. I hate, hate that word as much as I hate pretty much every other label.
So screw it.
So I created another blog. Come at me.
